Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
