she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
