dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
