So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
