So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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