I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
