My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
