I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
