He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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