you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sobbing to NWA
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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