Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sober January is a disaster.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
