She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
