1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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