so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
