whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
