it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
