great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
