Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
