I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
