How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
