so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
