***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
