God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
