Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
