The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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