im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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