Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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