Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
