shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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