I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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