I just saw a hot homeless man
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
