you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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