If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
