Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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