I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
smell my finger.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
