My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
