It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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