Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
