she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
