Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it penis luge time yet?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
