It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
