Pappa wants mamma naked
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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