so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
