why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
