I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
