omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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