I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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