No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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