this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
