Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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